


We All Die Someday, Maybe Even Today

by McKayRulez



Series: Dark & Disturbed Stargate [16]
Category: Stargate Atlantis, Stargate Atlantis: Legacy Series - Various Authors
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Death Wish, Episode: s01e19 The Siege (1), Grief/Mourning, Lost Love, M/M, Mental Anguish, Mental Instability, Rare Pairings, Rodney McKay Whump, SGA Series: Legacy, Sleep Deprivation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-26 08:16:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19001905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McKayRulez/pseuds/McKayRulez
Summary: Rodney's got a stressful and terrible job. More than anyone will ever know, and now it's made all the worse with the Wraith at their doorstep and Grodin gone. All things considered, maybe he's actually handling it pretty well? Who can say really? Unless you've walked in his shoes?





	We All Die Someday, Maybe Even Today

Strung out on loads of stimulants and excessively caffinated to the point that he probably had more caffeine in his bloodstream than actual blood, McKay had become a nervous wreck. Awake for weeks straight, madly dashing from one lab to the next. With sweat pouring across his face, he anxiously built an explosive here, calibrated the sensors there. With strained eyes fixated on the computer screen, he'd make emergency termination protocols and write the programing to accommodate them. With shaking hands, fixed the wiring and control crystals everywhere. So much work to do, so little time. Rodney couldn't stop moving. A second lost was a second closer to death. 

Then, when the satellite's circuits overloaded and the Wraith fired upon it, destroying it and taking Grodin along with it. It took McKay all he had in him not to snap from the grief and hopelessness right then and there. 

"We're all going to die, we're all going to die, we're all going to die." Rodney chanted between chattering teeth. 

"We're not going to die." Elizabeth calmly announced, as she strolled into the lab to check on her frazzled scientist friend. 

"You don't know that!" Rodney screamed, arms raised in agitation, then winced when he turned to see it was Dr. Weir. 

"McKay-" Elizabeth reached out and put her hand on Rodney's chest. His heart was beating a mile a minute, and she wondered how he hadn't had a heart attack yet. Maybe she had put too much pressure on him. Before she could finish her sentence, McKay shakingly broke down. 

"Grodin's gone! We're all going to end up like him! We're all going to die and it'll be all my fault!" 

Weir placed her other hand on Rodney's cheek. "Rodney, none of this is your fault. It's the wraith that-" 

"Yes, yes it will be." Rodney bobbed his head up and down, eyes wide an unseeing, as he shook violently. "Maybe we'll be a bomb short, and that was one more I could have finished, or the shields go out, and that was one system I should have spent more time making it more power efficient! There's just so much to do! So much that I don't know what to work on first!"  
Rodney was practically hyperventilating as he pushed her away to get back to his work on the desk. 

"Rodney.. Take a break and breathe. You're not the only one working, you know." 

"No, no.. If I don't do it, someone else will just screw up and I'll have to fix it!" 

"The other scientists aren't as incompetent as you think they are."  
Rodney let out a nervous laugh. "You just think that because I fix everything they do before it becomes a problem for you." 

Dr. Weir placed her hand on Rodney's shoulder, looking down at him concerned, as she watched his hands shake as he got back to his business. She then noticed the pile of empty stimulant needles casually strewn across his desk. "Rodney.. When was the last time you slept?" 

"Slept?" Rodney blinked and looked blank. As if the concept wasn't registering in his brain. It took far longer than Elizabeth would have liked for him to answer. "Two.. No.. Three weeks ago?” 

She stared at him, stunned. "You need sleep. Now."

"No, What I need is to focus!" He snapped back much ruder than he had intended. "Now go away.” He made a shooing motion with his hands, as he gazed back at the work he was doing. “More precious seconds are being wasted!"

"Rodney-"

"I'll sleep when I'm dead! Which will be soon, remember?"

"At the rate you're going, you'll kill yourself first." She stated, as worrying thoughts of McKay dropping dead from a heart attack, or an overdose, or some sleep deprived mistake with a bomb came to mind. It gave her disturbed chills. 

"Than it'll be a merciful death. Much less painful than what the Wraith have in mind, I assume!" 

Elizabeth sighed. She was going to have to tell Carson to cut back on the injections. She was surprised the doctor had even thought this much could be healthy.

Rodney said nothing more to her, as he stared at the huge to do list on his tablet. 

When she left and he was finally alone, he tried to concentrate on his work but soon found he couldn’t. The words not registering as his vision became cloudy with tears as he looked past the to do list unseeing, and instead gazed at the picture frame on his desk just beyond it. 

A picture of him and Grodin together. 

He let out a sob and quickly brushed his wrist across his eyes, trying to clear it away. 

He couldn’t think about him. At least not right now. He had a city to save. 

Besides, if he failed and he didn’t make it, well.. Then he could think about him all he wanted, and sleep in death to his heart's content. 

Because if he died he’d at least get to see him again, right? 

Zelenka entered the lab, and Rodney quickly hid his face, but Radek had already saw and he felt for him. He briefly laid his hand on his shoulder. “I miss him too.” He admitted softly, and when he got no response, he looked down and walked to his workbench. 

Rodney shook his head and sniffled, trying to clear those thoughts away, now that he had company. He wouldn’t appear weak to his minions. He picked up his tablet and began trying to think of ways to be more power efficient with the Zedpm. 

All the while he chanted, “We’re all going to die. We’re all going to die. We're all going to die.", and it wasn’t out of fear.


End file.
